Heartbroken

We lost Blanca this morning. Poor baby girl has been so sick for the last two weeks. The Sunday after my birthday, she had trouble standing up. A day later, we noticed she had a lump on her right hip.

The doctor said it could be one of two things: a rectal tear or a bedsore. If it was a tear, there was nothing to be done. Because of her heart problem, she was unable to be sedated to repair it. If it was a bedsore (which I'd never heard of in a dog), antibiotics should work. For the rest of the week, she slept most of the days.

A few days later, the bedsore burst. So much infection came out. No wonder she was miserable. We kept peroxide on it to stave off infection. The wound healed nicely. I held her up and made her walk in the backyard to strengthen her legs again. Then over the last weekend, her eating got kind of spotty. She'd drink plenty of water, but no appetite. We were sometime able to get her to eat a small piece of turkey.

On Tuesday, the doctor was cautiously hopeful and gave us some softer food and a syringe to force feed her. He said she had to get her strength back up. We got some in her, but not much. Miss Blanca was still strong enough to fight that!

Wednesday, she was weaker. Still not eating, now not drinking much. Last night, we couldn't even get her to wake up fully. We fed and gave her water with the syringe.

Last night, I sat holding her for a few hours. I patted her and told her it was fine if she needed to go. Like I have every night this week, I cried for her. I was so terrified that we would have to put her to sleep. I didn't see how I could do it - even if it meant she would be at rest. I wanted her to be able to go on her own terms.

This morning, her breathing was shallow. I fed her some water with the syringe to keep her hydrated. I kissed her on the head and hugged her tightly. I put her back in her bed and covered her with a fluffy towel.

At lunch, I came home to check on her. No rise and fall of her breath through the towel. My Blanca was gone.

No more nervous walking in circles, no more medicine, no more pain.

Rest in peace, baby girl.