My Big Fat Redneck Wedding

I found out Monday that I am planning a wedding for next Friday. The little guy I work with is getting married, and he and his bride-to-be (bless their hearts) are CLUELESS. They had intended on getting married in a park downtown. I asked him if he had contacted the city to see what he would have to do. His response, "Do I need to?" Umm, yeah. The City of Charleston knows how to make money. You have to reserve your piece of green grass and pay dearly for it (especially if you have over 25 guests, including bride and groom). Not only was the piece of grass they wanted to pledge their troth on already taken, it was going to cost $190, minimum.

He relayed this to the bride who FREAKED! We (the ladies in the office *and Our Gay*) jumped in and suggested that he have the wedding at the pool at our office - since the reception was already going to be there. The groom tells me that his dad is providing the food for the reception. What is his dad buying? HE'S ORDERING PIZZA!! (Which mortified Our Gay. He asked "Are they going to leave them in the box or put them on platters?" I'm guessin' boxes). You can't hide money. And - the alcohol is bring your own six-pack. I can't make this crap up.

Jump to Tuesday when the bride comes down to give us some idea of what she wants. She already has the dress. Very pretty and simple. David's Bridal doesn't want me to put a picture in, but you can see it here:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detail.jsp?stid=1223&prodgroup=127

She likes the bouquet we show her so that's a go.



Thank goodness, they also have ordered a cake from Publix. Yum, buttercream.

Wednesday, The Groom asks "Do you know anyone who could marry us?" What??????? So the search is on for a Notary.

By the way, we won't know a budget until Friday. You know, 7 days before the wedding.

So we talk them out of the pizza. Classic cheap wedding fare is the deal. Finger sandwiches, mints, nuts, you know the drill. Our Gay suggests setting up a bar around the pool. For what, the coolers???

Anyway, there are certain instances where being a packrat comes in real handy. Like now. I still have lot of the junk from our wedding (yeah, 4 years ago) so I can certainly help the decoration aspect. I am also the Coordinator and probably the Photographer.

On Friday, the bride gave us $100 for the wedding. This isn't a wedding on a shoestring. It's a wedding on a frayed shoestring. We're talking Dollar Tree and Big Lots. (Both of which I adore, I'm not hating on either of them).

I know I've made fun of this wedding but, here's the thing. I cannot let these people have a tacky wedding. I love them to death, and I cannot have them tell everyone that Dominoes catered their event. Every girl deserves a nice wedding (with a tasty cake. cuz that's mainly why I go to weddings, the cake). So my mission this week is clear: plan the cheapest, most tasteful wedding the world has ever seen in a week. And if you are in my way at the Dollar Tree, picking up the last pack of votives, watch out! I will tackle you and take them from you. You've been warned.