Are You Ready For Some Football?

As you may have noticed by the orange and purple theme, college football season begins this weekend. GO TIGERS!!!

Geek Fest '08

...is currently underway upstairs in ManLand. Twelve grown men wearing NFL football jerseys are cramped in a little room intently looking at rosters to make their Make Believe Team THE Make Believe Team. I came back from grocery-buying to dead silence. Hmmm, strange. They have the door closed to keep the big dog out (cuz he can't pick cuz he doesn't have thumbs).

I go back downstairs to unpack the week's bounty. As I'm throwing away the plastic bags (I know, my carbon footprint is huge!), I see them --- my bras hanging in the laundry room where they have been drying ---- which is right next to the trash can where said Football Geeks have been throwing their empties. Greeeaaat......

Headline Of The Day

"Rogue monkey eludes Tokyo police"

Wedding Playlist

So here are the tunes we've come up with so far for the DJ - if this train wreck happens at all:

Guns n Roses "I used to love her, but I had to kill her"
Highway to Hell
Clarence Carter "Strokin'"
Brooks & Dunn "Boot Scoot Boogie"
NKOTB "Hangin' Tough"
Color Me Bad "I want to $ex you up"
Kid Rock "Cowboy"
Paul Anka "She's Having My Baby"
The Clash "Should I stay or should I go"
Tammy Wynette "D-I-V-O-R-C-E"
Elvis Presley "Suspicious Minds"
Britney Spears "Ooops, I did it again"
Pussycat Dolls "Don'cha"
Let's Just Kiss and Say Goodbye
Paul Simon "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"
Phil Collins "Against All Odds"
Bon Jovi "You give love a bad name"
Notorious Cherry Bombs "It's hard to kiss the lips at night chew your a$$ all day" (youtube it, it's hilarious!)
Pearl Jam "Better Man"
Shania Twain "Whose bed has your boots been under"
Joan Jett "Hate myself for loving you"
Liz Phair F&@% and Run


Friends in low places (Garth Brooks)
Get drunk and screw (Jimmy Buffet)
It wasn't me (Shaggy)
Soulja boy (Soulja boy)
Anything by Kid Rock
Electric slide
I would do anything for love (Meatloaf)
All my life (KC and JoJo)
Cha cha slide
Macarena
Super freak (Rick James Bitch)
Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Syrus)
I like big butts and I can not lie (Sir Mix a-lot)
Get Low (Lil Jon)
Sexual Healing (Marvin Gay)
Honkey Tonk Ba-donka-donk (Toby Keith)
Country Roads take me home (John Denver)
Still the one (Shania Twain)
In the closet (R Kelly)

more to follow......

My Big Fat Redneck Wedding

I found out Monday that I am planning a wedding for next Friday. The little guy I work with is getting married, and he and his bride-to-be (bless their hearts) are CLUELESS. They had intended on getting married in a park downtown. I asked him if he had contacted the city to see what he would have to do. His response, "Do I need to?" Umm, yeah. The City of Charleston knows how to make money. You have to reserve your piece of green grass and pay dearly for it (especially if you have over 25 guests, including bride and groom). Not only was the piece of grass they wanted to pledge their troth on already taken, it was going to cost $190, minimum.

He relayed this to the bride who FREAKED! We (the ladies in the office *and Our Gay*) jumped in and suggested that he have the wedding at the pool at our office - since the reception was already going to be there. The groom tells me that his dad is providing the food for the reception. What is his dad buying? HE'S ORDERING PIZZA!! (Which mortified Our Gay. He asked "Are they going to leave them in the box or put them on platters?" I'm guessin' boxes). You can't hide money. And - the alcohol is bring your own six-pack. I can't make this crap up.

Jump to Tuesday when the bride comes down to give us some idea of what she wants. She already has the dress. Very pretty and simple. David's Bridal doesn't want me to put a picture in, but you can see it here:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detail.jsp?stid=1223&prodgroup=127

She likes the bouquet we show her so that's a go.



Thank goodness, they also have ordered a cake from Publix. Yum, buttercream.

Wednesday, The Groom asks "Do you know anyone who could marry us?" What??????? So the search is on for a Notary.

By the way, we won't know a budget until Friday. You know, 7 days before the wedding.

So we talk them out of the pizza. Classic cheap wedding fare is the deal. Finger sandwiches, mints, nuts, you know the drill. Our Gay suggests setting up a bar around the pool. For what, the coolers???

Anyway, there are certain instances where being a packrat comes in real handy. Like now. I still have lot of the junk from our wedding (yeah, 4 years ago) so I can certainly help the decoration aspect. I am also the Coordinator and probably the Photographer.

On Friday, the bride gave us $100 for the wedding. This isn't a wedding on a shoestring. It's a wedding on a frayed shoestring. We're talking Dollar Tree and Big Lots. (Both of which I adore, I'm not hating on either of them).

I know I've made fun of this wedding but, here's the thing. I cannot let these people have a tacky wedding. I love them to death, and I cannot have them tell everyone that Dominoes catered their event. Every girl deserves a nice wedding (with a tasty cake. cuz that's mainly why I go to weddings, the cake). So my mission this week is clear: plan the cheapest, most tasteful wedding the world has ever seen in a week. And if you are in my way at the Dollar Tree, picking up the last pack of votives, watch out! I will tackle you and take them from you. You've been warned.

"Sorry About Your DUI"

Used to be, anytime Lovey saw someone riding on a moped, he would automatically say, "Sorry about your DUI!" Now, with gas the way it is, there are more mopeds on the road than ever. Very confusing...

So this morning on the way to work, traffic in my lane is SLLLOOOWWWW. We (my driving posse and I) pass and see a guy on a Brand-New Racing Yellow Moped with coordinating Shoei helmet. The guy has on a polo and khakis with a crisp backpack on. He is leaning over the handlebars like he is crossing the finish line like Nicky Hayden on an empty tank. (Aerodynamics, you know!) Then he sits straight up with perfect posture just like his mama taught him.

So the moral of my post is: for heaven's sake, do something about gas prices so we know who to make fun of again, I beg you!