My husband tells me that I am "friend-ambidextrious". My term, not his. His way of saying that I am equally as comfortable being around girls as I am around guys. Well? Not so much. Here's the thing: I am the only child of a man who wanted a boy. As such, I had mounds of Barbies, but I also had a football uniform (complete with a little helmet and pads) and an army uniform. I grew up watching football and Nascar. I went to qualifying when I was barely old enough to climb up the stairs. As a clumsy, chunky teenager with braces, 80s glasses and bad hair (no one knew what to do with curly hair back then), being friends with guys was basically the only contact I could hope to have with them. Pathetic, I know. But enough about my sad adolescence... I digress.
I can hold my own in conversations about most sports. The sponge that is my mind holds useless facts that can impress the most sports-intense male. AND is there anything better that having a fact that a man doesn't know? How much fun is it to watch his face start as if you just spouted off the formula for his favorite beer! It's a weird respect thing. Be able to talk to a guy about his interests, and he will look at you like you are a sorceress. Guys are easy because they are uncomplicated. Even if you are only friends with a guy, some part of you knows he will always want to sleep with you. And in general terms, that is flattering and you're kind of fine with it. I SAID in general. There are certain exceptions....
Girls? are hard. A lot of girls always have an agenda. They are always up to something. Hitler had nothing on girls. A girl looking for vengeance against an enemy (hell, a friend) is ruthless. I personally once put a roommate's toothbrush in a toilet (a clean one, I'm not that mean). That technically doesn't count: she was my roommate for exactly 28 days - February - and was a ho-rrible person.
My best friend ever is another Guy Girl. Sure, we are into the most girly things: Shoes, shoes and of course, shoes. We can talk hair and make-up and football and racing. For her honeymoon? They went to Racing School - her idea, not his.
My pet peeve: Girls who think they are guy girls. These girls are easy to spot. They are one of the only girls in a group of guys who are primarily engaged in a male-dominated activity. They are trying to make it look like they are truly passionate about whatever activity the group is currently involved in. Here is the difference: this girl will do ANYTHING to make herself "be a girl" in front of said guys. Like "I'd love to play football, but my BOOBS get in the way of the shoulder pads." Ick! Or "I'm hot. Let me change out of these jeans into this skirt" by putting the skirt on OVER the pants and then shimmying the pants down from underneath it. This girl? Has. Got. To. Go. This girl? Tries entirely too hard. I call it the "look at me, look at me" syndrome.
Not a specific girl really - just this group in general.
The other thing about this group of misguided female is that she is a huge turn-off to the female companions of her activity group. Because really? Do I want to see some cheesy chick hugging my man each time we are all together - greeting and leaving? Um, no. This is also the same girl who objects (too loudly and often?) that she is not interested in dating or getting married. Really? Is that why you often wear stuff that is more appropriate for a sales girl at Wet Seal than a 30-something mom???
These girls make us all look bad. If I am elected, I will work toward a ban against the Guy Girl Wannabees who are currently skulking in a neighborhood near you. My name is (wouldn't you like to know), and I approved this message.
